Yesterday I was feeling a sense of peace that I have not felt before. It was moving through me, allowing me to feel content, calm, and peaceful, going about my day and completing tasks seemingly without effort. After working out at the gym, I wanted to sit with this more, to enhance the feeling of peace. I knew I could go deeper. 

When I settled into the Void, I felt a heaviness on my chest. I started to see how I am driven by a fear of time -that there isn’t enough time. 

I saw how we all fear time in some way. Time ages our bodies. Time grows our children up and they leave before we have taught them all we want them to know. We fear not having enough time in the day to do all the things we think we need to do.

I saw this driving force of fear that pushed me to accomplish, to work harder, to strive endlessly.

I asked for more peace and realized that I also feared rest. 

When I was in a relationship with Samuel, I felt at rest more than ever in my life. I enjoyed this feeling -not having to do anything or be anyone special. It didn’t take anything away from me to be with him. No energy was wasted. Why? Because I didn’t need to perform or show up in a certain way. So, I felt more at rest and was able to just “be.” 

I see how I do not do this in other parts of life. How much I desire rest from the world and all the things it says I must do, be, and accomplish. Resting, taking time to really just sit in stillness, sit in BEING, without concern for doing. That isn’t something we normally see as a virtue. Yet, it is what we truly need and desire. We drink coffee to give us more energy or use substances for the lift we might perceive they give us. But what we really want is rest. Rest from worry, rest from striving, from becoming, from always doing. 

Today I sat deeper in rest, letting go of time, asking to trust in the Divine’s time so that I could feel at rest, drink it in, and let it permeate my entire body and energetic field.